Yesterday another Palin kid made headlines when her obscene rant against another classmate of the Palin clan included the word "faggot."
Reaction was swift and often harsh, which drew people to defend Willow's faux pas with the outcry, "She's just a child!" These butted against the equally vocal charges about Palin's parenting that such a debacle could even take place.
"Willow Palin is a child," charges one columnist. "She is not fair game."
He then goes on to try and make a point that this exchange should be treated as an opportunity to get kids to think about how they relate to each other, because this kind of thing is commonplace among so many kids who interchangeably use the words gay or f*ggot for bad; and that use of this homophobic word doesn't necessarily denote homophobia itself.
He also goes on to say that it should not be used as an indictment against Sarah Palin herself as a parent.
He's wrong on most counts.
First of all, Willow Palin is fair game because she is a public figure. Her mother, for all her whining otherwise, has consistently paraded her children as walking, talking billboards for her commonality to Republican/small-town "soccer moms" everywhere. These kids underscore her "pro-life", small-town, conservative "family values".
They're even starring in their own "reality" show, which means in our mixed up media they are now "celebrities" themselves. And like teen celebrities such as Miley Cyrus, their behavior is going to draw public criticism, whether right or wrong, when said behavior takes a turn for the worse.
Second of all, whether she's sixteen or not there is no age on accountability for doing things that are wrong. If you mess up, you suffer the consequences. That's how you learn right from wrong.
I'm reminded of a story I heard from a lady in California who used to regularly ride the public bus system. One day she sat next to another woman and her daughter, who was scribbling liberally on the side of the bus with her crayons. When the storyteller in question tried to point out the child's mistake to the mother, the mother brushed it off with, "She's just a baby," as if that excused her inexcusable behavior.
Which brings us to point number three: the indictment against Sarah Palin's parenting.
Now, I'm the mother of two sons; one 20 and one who is 18. They don't always do what I want them to do. They are complete individuals who, for better or worse, make their own decisions about things and suffer the consequences accordingly. When my 16 year old son got caught carrying weed at school, he ended up being arrested and dealing with the fallout.
I, as a person who has never smoked a joint in my life and have had a strict no-drug policy in my home, did the best that I could to deter him from said behavior but he made his own choices and grew from the mistake accordingly.
He made it to 18 without repeating the offense again.
As a parent I understand that we can't raise perfect kids because we ourselves are not perfect. In a lot of ways we become nothing more than guides once these kids hit a certain age because as pre-adults they are naturally testing their boundaries to discover their own individuality. This manifests itself in how they dress, whom they befriend and date and how they test the societal waters around them.
HOWEVER...
When it comes to how our kids treat each other, that is very much a mirror into how we have raised our kids to interact with the world. Any kind of bigotry is learned behavior, as is lack of empathy to another person - which is what these bigoted words represent.
Using homophobic words *does* indicate a certain amount of accepted homophobia in their environment and in our society at large. Just like saying, "You run/cry/hit/act like a girl" indicates a certain underlying sexism that says it is bad to be a girl (which is where the whole "f*g" as an insult to a man's masculinity" stems from).
This is why it SHOULD be corrected, no matter how young the offender. That is how you create change - by learning how these attitudes take root in our society. Kids are going to say it because maybe they don't know any better, which is why it is up to the parents - who should know better - to intercede.
When my kids began the ever-so-short-lived habit of saying, "That's so gay" in the pejorative - I, as a parent, took notice of this behavior and immediately got involved to show them how bigoted and hateful this kind of speech was. They do not use words like the N word or the F word or any other variety of social epithets because they were taught from the crib that this behavior was completely unacceptable, disrespectful and hurtful to others.
I consider this one of our core family values. (Yep. We "libs" have em too.)
In fact my 20 year old actually had trouble reading classics like Huckleberry Finn thanks to the constant use of some of these lightening-rod words.
I didn't wait till they were 16 to point out this behavior was wrong, or let it linger while they were children simply because they were children. They were taught from the time they could talk.
Because of this my kids know that they can curse a blue streak around me and I won't correct them, but if they use abusive language toward anyone I'll come down on them like the wrath of God itself.
If I caught my kid doing what Willow Palin did there would have been immediate intervention and retribution, up to and including an apology to the kids in question and gay people as a whole.
And I would have done that without having the additional pressure of being a "celebrity" who has to protect any kind of public image.
It's called "parenting", and that this kind of behavior is brushed aside with, "She doesn't usually use this kind of language, she was just defending the family," kind of BS means that there is a serious lack of accountability being taught as a result. Especially when any legitimate criticism against her behavior is immediately regarded as a biased "attack" on the Palin family.
What exactly does that teach any other 16 year old who uses this hateful word casually?
Brushing it aside, saying she's just a kid, no more helps create change than the very behavior critics like this columnist are attacking.
The columnist was right about one point; this is the perfect opportunity to use this exchange to teach our children - including Willow Palin - that this type of behavior is wrong.
So Willow, in case your mother is much too busy - or too cavalier - to address it, let me just leave you with this:
Calling someone a "f*ggot", no matter what the reason or excuse, is bigoted and hateful. There are too many kids out there who feel bullied and exiled because of these types of hurtful comments, so much so that they are ending their lives because of it. Just as those words used against your family upset you, these types of words used so carelessly can upset so many others you don't even see. This gives you a choice. You can make your words count for something, to build up other people and to make positive change in the world... or you can be an instrument of pain.
Words have consequences for a reason; to help you learn to choose better words.
Let the change start with *you*.
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